Dinner Date with Dad

The table is set, the appetizer is out, I'm ready to dig in, so naturally I sit down.

As I sat down at the dinner table of my life preparing to dig deep, into where my issue with self-love began, I realized that one key ingredient was missing.

Not Pictured, Dad.

You should know that in cooking, it is not uncommon for one to leave out certain ingredients or replace it with another, but when ready it can't be expected that the dish will have the same, great taste. This scenario reflects the relationship with my biological father, and although I wouldn’t say that my life was ruined, due to my dad being absent from the recipe, I will say it has compromised its flavor.

Taking a look back, growing up as a "single" child I constantly craved the All American Lifestyle. You know the one with the perfect household consisting of a mother, a father, a dog, a sibling or two, and oh of course the white picket fence! Can't forget the white picket fence. Well, despite my cravings− this was just not my reality.

My reality was mom and me.

There is no doubt that my mother is an amazing, strong, and resilient woman who selflessly worked to ensure that I NEVER went with out, but unfortunately one thing that was out of her control, was the presence of my father. Trust me, I've tried many times to convince myself that growing up with out a male figure in my infant, toddler, and early childhood life would not make much of a difference on my internal outcome, but I was wrong. As a young adult, currently in my twenties, I have come to understand that the significance of a father's love (or lack there of) was, and is truly essential to the development of self-love.

In my opinion, I believe that every little girl (and boy) needs a father figure present in their lives. And since I am on the subject, it is also important to note that, just because a father may be physically there, that does not mean that he is truly present... involved fathers are the key!

Why? Because a father is a man who sets the example and standard of who a girl should date in the future. A father, is also the role model who sets the expectation of how a young man becomes a great boyfriend, and an even greater husband. Essentially, a father is commonly the first person to indirectly and directly teach his child the meaning of self-love. To set the record straight, I am not at all discrediting the importance of a mother's influence, but I do believe that there is a certain power in being "Daddy's little girl". A power I was left without.

So with this missing ingredient in my life, I went through years of taste testing. I jumped from situationship to situationship, made mistake after mistake, and many of times found myself lost and confused simply because I did not have a strong foundation of self-love.

Now imagine throwing some sexual abuse, and rape (on my 20th birthday) into the mix. These are certainly two, additional factors that tarnished the little bit of self-love that I had left, and I contemplated over and over again whether or not I should mention this. But as previously indicated, honesty will always be on the menu of this blog, and I am sticking to that. So yes, my self-love was damaged, but in no way, shape, or form was ingoing to allow these unforeseen and unwanted circumstances define who I am. Instead, I chose to be at peace and accept all the ingredients of my life, the distasteful ones alike, because I know that they have molded me into the very person that I am today.

In this, I have learned that sometimes you really have to sit down, position your self face to face, and have a dinner date with God. Be real and be raw. Let Him shed light over your life, expose your faults, and lead you on your way. I did that, and now my once empty table of father figures is full.

At the head of the table is my heavenly father. In the three remaining seats is myself, my rekindled relationship with my biological father, and my step-father who truly did “step” up to the plate and became the best father a girl could ask for. All in all, these relationships are healthy, thriving, and continuing to grow with each moment, day, and year that goes by.

Best of all, my sense of self-love has been re-established and renewed :) But, let’s be real this full, course meal has just begun so sit tight, and see how I have continued to be the top chef of my life !

Always served with love,

Dri ♥