{Home} Made in Houston

Blogsties, 

Where has the time gone? I can’t believe this is my first post of 2019. Wow. Life happens fast ya know… but I want you to know that I have missed writing to you all. I truly have. I am thrilled to be back in the kitchen releasing the best way I know how and that’s through rhetoric. So here’s to more frequent meals ! *Raises glass* 

Now as I sit here with a plate of French toast, scrambled eggs, turkey sausage and a bowl of fresh fruit in front of me… I am truly struggling with where to begin. Life has been A LOT and I mean A WHOLE LOT, my Lord. *Sighs* and you are absolutely in for a dish that will be overflowing with a depth of vulnerability, truth, pain, and praise! 

Ok so how about we start with the title, “A Homemade in Houston”. So when God first dropped this title into my spirit I was SO excited, like I legit could not wait. I could not wait to spill the tea that I had just relocated from the DC area to Houston Texas, and that God was expanding my life’s palette to live out my dreams ! I could not wait… but guess what now the time is here and I can officially announce that… 

… I am still living in the DMV area. 

Yes, you read right. I have not moved. What a blow right ? I am supposed to be writing this piece from my beautiful apartment that I fell in love with when I flew to Houston this past April…but I am not. I am right where I have always been… in the DMV. Womp Womp. 

Despite the repeated confirmation I received (over a year’s time) regarding my move to Texas and starting my graduate degree work...God decided to re-route the plans I had for making a home in Houston. Though I have finally accepted His will in this matter, the process of arriving to this place has been tough. 

I’ve questioned everything. I’ve vocalized my frustration with Him. I resented Him for a bit. I have yelled. I have cried and I have almost given up simply because my timeline didn’t work. 

But that’s the problem. That was MY plan, not GOD’s plan. Like I mentioned before I have since accepted this change of events… but I have been left feeling stuck. Moving to Texas was supposed to be my season sizzling with newness… and yet here I am in the same ole, same ole. It sucks. 

But that is not all… to be honest my alignment, in general, has been off… and I mean really off. I have pretty much been in a tug of war spiritually and the enemy has tried to get the best of me. I have pridefully been trying to live life by my own means and not by God’s terms because… to be frank… I felt like He was giving me conflicting messages and disregarding the desires of my heart. Daily I wondered how could God give someone so much confirmation regarding the future and then just take it away? 

So naturally, being the person that I am I came up with a plan B and guess what? The timetable I had for that didn't work out either. Welp! There goes another blow. At this point I am just not understanding. Like what do you want me from me God ?! To remain stagnant and never progress? You and I both know that just aint an option so can you please work with me a little ??… This is me being real and raw with God…and at the brink of all I concluded that this is just how the cookie crumbles.

Then I realized, He wants me to work WITH Him not the other way around. I have been living how I wanted to and was reminded of the Bible verse Luke 16:13 which reads: 

“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money (or whatever you are putting above Him)”

I was compromising on goals, values, and morals and then expecting God to still bless me with favor while serving the world (shaking my head)  I am literally chuckling disbelief as I write this. How silly of me ? I have literally been taking the most important relationship in my life for granted… and I have been left with no choice but to get it together.

I’m learning that faith aint always full of flavor but it’s absolutely always worth fighting for. Always. Faith was never promised to be easy but remaining in it is vital. Without it spiritual suspension is the only guarantee, and that’s exactly where I have been…in suspension. 

If I could describe what life really feels like right now it’s like going to a restaurant having a specific taste for something, but everything you had a desire for has been sold out with no guarantee of it coming back…

So yes, life has been stale but that isn’t God’s fault it’s mine. I haven’t been nourishing from the right well. 

When you know better you should do better and so I’ve decided to stop being stubborn and return to genuine faith… not the fake faith but the real deal. 

Faith is hard work, but it’s the fuel you need when you feel like you have failed and have run out options. Good thing is God is always THE option. Granted the journey with Him is like any other relationship with its peaks and valleys but the exception is that He is the only companion that you can count on to be there and never leave.

I know this wasn’t exactly the fluffy post I am sure you thought I was going to return with, but it’s the real un-sugar-coated look into the life of a young woman who is just trying to be the best version of herself. But please, don’t worry.  I am getting back to better. I have started therapy (progress from my last blog post), I am actively rekindling my relationship with Christ, and am overall working on getting back to joy!  

So with that being said, If you are in the struggle... whatever that looks like for you. DO NOT GIVE UP.  That’s the easiest thing to do, but it’s not what God wants. Remember he promises a hope and a (Homemade) future to those who love Him ! 

WE got this. 

Until next time, stay fed with the spirit ! 

Always served with love, 

Dri ♥