A Plate of Purity

1 Timothy 4:12 (NIV)

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity”

Today’s meal comes to your tables by the way of the “P” word, purity.

Wait, wait, wait, come back ! It’s ok, I promise! I KNOW that word can be pretty taboo in today's time, but God has placed it upon my heart to share with you how a life of purity can also be full of flavor and pizzazz. So please don’t stop reading just yet, because this is a true serving of soul food!

Now that I didn’t completely scare you off LOL… the very first thing that I want to tell you is that my plate of purity has only been recently prepared; so I am not here to make you think that I am some “goody two-shoes” or that I have lived a life that has always honored God, but in fact I am here to talk to you about my journey through the stains. Ultimately, this will be a totally transparent post sharing the time when my plate was filled not of purity.

As you sit at my table today, keep these two ingredients in mind:

1. Purity is a process

2. Purity is not perfection

So where does my story begin? It begins with being lost.

As detailed in previous posts, my self-love was once severely damaged, and I barely had respect for my temple (body). During this time, I was so unaware of my self worth that I somehow convinced myself that sex was exclusively physical, and that it could never affect the spiritual and mental realms of my life. Boy oh boy let me tell you how that was some cray cray way of thinking!!! I was literally living in a self created lie, and needless to say I went on with this type of thinking for years. But what I found, is that what I thought would fulfill me, completely emptied me…Every. single. time.

Eventually enough was enough and now I longed for something more substantial, but had to figure out what that “thing” was. Not to long later, God revealed to me that what I once perceived as only a mere physical event was actually pouring from a place of brokeness and a lack of spiritual guidance. In other words, I could no longer blame other people or past experiences to justify my repeated behavior.

Understanding this was the beginning of my path to purity.

So I said, ok I will cease having sex until I got into what I believed to be a REAL relationship. (Yes, this was my actual thinking at the time, praise the Lord for growth and maturity!). Anyway...I figured that if there was some level of “true” commitment then it would be ok for me to engage in sexual activity, and I was 100% ok with that logic until I received a {life changing} challenge from a good friend. This friend said to me, “Why are waiting for a relationship to have sex, when you can just wait until marriage?”.

WOAH, pause sir. Flag on the play. Say what ? Marriage you say? Aint nobody trying to hold out for that long, c’mon that’s legit torture. In my mind this idea was like preparing a bomb thanksgiving meal {for hours}, and then never eating it. Made no sense.

Up until that conversation, I never entertained that idea of waiting until marriage to have sex.

So boom there it is, as you can see, my path to purity never began with the intention to live according to the Word; it was solely a mechanism to protect my self from another heartbreak and tainted self esteem… honestly it was all about me. Thankfully, what I meant for selfish desires, God meant for the testimony of His good (insert your great Auntie’s Holy Ghost praise dance right here lol)… but I'm so serious it is truly amazing how God chooses to bring someone closer to Him, and then provide you with a testimony to share with others! #WontHEdoit

I say all this to say, that challenge changed me. As I continued to grow closer in my walk with Christ I began to understand that purity is God’s gift of protection and provision, and that it is not just a physical way of life. I’ve also learned that once committing to a life of purity you are literally defying one the most common standards of society, which is sex. It is literally everywhere. On our televisions, in our magazines, on our billboards, and in our music so as you can imagine my transition into living a purer life was no piece of cake.

Yes, I am proud to say that it has been exactly one and half years since i’ve had sexual intercourse, but I have not been perfect. Nobody’s perfect. So I will reiterate, purity is not perfection. At times, I found myself in situations where I welcomed everything except the act of sex, and have also fallen short in my thoughts. But thankfully that’s where grace comes into play. God understands we are human. I mean He did gave us our sex drives. He knows it is not easy to wait, but the waiting cultivates the mastering of self-control and the development of character. Please know the process of purity is tough; you won't get it right all the time, and you may even completely fail, but know that IT IS OK. We have been forgiven. Simply by making purity a standard in your life help guide you to greater purpose. At least it has for me.

So to my millennials, don’t let the world fool you. This CAN be done. I too thought I was too young to create life of “purity”, but then I discovered 1 Timothy 4:12. Again it reads, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity”. Man I just love this verse!! It is here that Paul instructs Timothy, a young leader, to stand true to his standards. Maintaining certain standards will certainly get you the side eye from some, but i'm here to tell you WHO CARES! Who cares what others think. Just know your blessing is on its way!

Before I close the kitchen, I would like to have you know that this meal, by NO means is to demean one’s life if you aren't practicing abstinence; (because I wasn't at one point either) rather it is to simply use my testimony in the hopes to challenge you to think about embracing a new way of living or to encourage those to not give up and stay strong in your purity! IT IS WORTH IT.

SN: Shout out to my girl Yvonne Orji (Molly from HBO’s Insecure) who is thirty something year old virgin and waiting for marriage to become intimate. Here is the link to her TED talk The Wait is Sexy, it's so good yall! She has definitely become an instant inspiration of mine.

If you know me, I wont ever leave you empty handed so here are my specially prepared take home plates (tips) on maintaining purity:

1. Prayer

Denouncing the flesh is not easy, and thus we must ask God for strength and guidance throughout the process, especially if we come up short during the journey.

2. Position

Placing yourselves around positive and like minded people is always the way to go. Not everyone will understand or respect your chose of abstinence so its crucial to surround yourselves with those who do and welcome the change.

3. Patience

Be patient and kind to yourself. Abstinence can be frustrating at times, especially when your night and shining armory seems so far away and out of reach. You may come to a time where you question the point of purity, but remember purity is only partially about the physical and more about being mentally and spiritual sound. In my experience, purity is greater than oneself. It’s really about honoring God and remembering that it is a gift from Him.

Whew! I know that this was quite the dish, and one I am sure will take some time to digest, but I just HAD to share with you all the blessing that purity has been for me. It has truly given me the gift of freedom. Freedom from soul ties, freedom from insecurity, freedom from pressure, and freedom to walk my walk with the King. And you know what, this freedom feels absolutely amazing. So it is my true prayer that you too will feel the same, if you don't already.

Okkk soooo let's be real, abstinence is great and all, but when God sends me my Husband just know that it’s on and poppin’ ya heardddd and then maybe one day I can write a post titled, “How to Keep the Heat in the Kitchen”, if ya know what I mean LOL

BUT until then… it’s all about maintaining this precious plate of purity. That's all folks!

Always served with love,

Dri ♥